


this scene ends badly, as you might imagine

by kendrasaunders



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Multi, Post Sex Pollen Figure It Out Fic, Team Bonding, Who Was in Whom? We just don't know, sure let's go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:30:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6152252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendrasaunders/pseuds/kendrasaunders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s like one of those sex pollen fics, except it’s the aftermath. the team tries to put together who banged. it’s a mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this scene ends badly, as you might imagine

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a mess, this is a mess, remember me as brave etc etc

There is the feeling that something awkward and terrible has happened.

Well. It’s not exactly the feeling. It’s more the intimate knowledge that they are all haphazardly assembled in the study, wearing clothes that may or may not belong to other teammates.

“I think we should discuss what just transpired,” Rip announces, with no less than three hickeys across his chest. No one wants to ask where his shirt is. “We were. Well. We were biologically attacked.”

“You can say that again,” Sara huffs. “I mean, does anyone even know what happened? I remember getting a whiff of like, this really sweet-scented stuff-“

“Like too much cotton candy,” Jax says.

“Exactly like that,” Sara agrees. “And then I remember a lot of, you know-“ She trails off.

“We all had sex,” Len announces. “And now we’re trying to figure out who was in who.”

“Pretty much,” Sara says. “Thanks for having no shame, Len.”

“No problem,” he says.

“Okay, well,” Rip says. “Perhaps we could be a bit more delicate. Yes, Kendra?”

She lowers her hand. ”Well, I have a question," Kendra tugs aside the collar of her (Ray's?) tee shirt, revealing an enormous, purpling mark. "Who did this?"

Mick raises his hand.

"Seriously?!" She asks. "Did you punch me with your mouth?"

"It's how he shows he cares," Len says.

"Oh my God." She presses her hand to her forehead. "I fucked a supervillain."

From across the room, Sara tries desperately to get Kendra to look at her, gesturing size estimates with her hands. Kendra pretends not to see it.

Len catches Sara's attention with a low whistle. The room's attention, actually. He gestures.

"Damn," Sara says.

"Hey-" Ray tries to grin, like people aren't shooting dick sizes across the room. "It's okay, Kendra. I'm sure you're not the only one who had sex with Mick."

"That is correct," Gideon adds.

Rip looks like he might eat his own gun. “Gideon!"

“Relax, bossman,” Sara says, stretching her legs. “Haven’t you ever been in a group sex fiasco before?”

Rip gives her a look. “You have?”

“Dude,” she says. “Ladies night is insane at the League of Assassins.”

“And I’m guessing none of you have been to prison,” Len adds. He holds up his hand. “Raymond, your five minutes don’t count.”

“Besides,” Sara says. “Don’t look so judgey. The professor swings.”

Seven heads turn in one very embarrassed direction. “Ms. Lance!”

“What?” Len says. “Come on, it’s obvious. Right, Mick?”

“Blatant,” he adds.

Professor Stein moves to clean his glasses. “I don’t- You can’t-“

“You haven’t been fiddling with your ring,” Sara says. “If you felt guilty, you’d be fretting with it more.”

“You haven’t mentioned the Mrs. once,” Len says. “Not normal behavior for a monogamous married man.”

“You’re a baby boomer,” Mick says.

Len points to Mick. “You can’t argue with the facts.”

“Well,” Jax says. “I’m more traumatized now. So thanks for that, guys.”

“Honestly,” Stein says. “There’s no need to bring any of that into it, really-“

“You were more than a little intimate with Ray not two hours ago,” Len says. “So.”

Ray blinks, maybe in surprise, maybe in flattery. “Professor?”

“Raymond-“ A look. “Don’t.”

“Was I any good?” Ray asks. “Gideon?”

“He seemed to enjoy it,” Gideon says.

Ray gives one of his happy, boisterous little smiles.

“Can we please take this seriously?” Rip says. “For five fucking seconds?”

“Did I blow someone?” Kendra asks. “I feel like I blew someone.”

“Uh,” Sara shrugs. “It wasn’t me. I think there was someone going down on me, though. Len?”

“I don’t think it was me,” he says. “Another time, of course.”

She shoots him a grin. “Okay, but who was it?”

A silence.

She snaps her fingers. “You!” she points at Rip. “Your mustache was all up on my-“

“Oh my God,” Rip says. “Okay. I went down on you. We’re all adults. We’re all piecing this together. Don’t make a thing of it.”

“You were okay,” Sara says. “I’ve had better. But also much worse.”

“Well thank you, Sara, that’s great-“

“I think I was the one getting blown,” Jax says. “By-“ He spares Kendra what may be the most awkward glance in the history of mankind. “I’m- Uh-“

She rubs her chin. “I think it was more than one person. My teeth hurt.”

“Isn’t that just the feeling,” Len says. “You act like you’ve never given head before.”

Sara snickers. “Well, she’s not swallowing Mick’s giant-“

“We don’t know that,” Len says. “Kendra, did you give Mick a blowjob?”

“No…” She pauses. “He went down on me!” She claps her hands. “Before he put it in. Yeah. That happened!”

“I’m a gentleman,” Mick says.

“I’m so concerned for our well being as a team,” Stein adds. “If one of us was… less than clean, and we all-“

“Oh can it, swinger,” Sara says. “We’re all fine.”

“We should check, Ms. Lance,” Stein says. “Just as a precaution.”

“He’s right,” Ray says. “Especially if there was a lot of anal, because you know it’s really-“

“Ray,” Rip says. “I’m going to ask you to not.”

“Well I was just saying,” Ray says. Crosses his arms. “I’ve never even-“ He waves his hand. “With men before.”

“You can say had sex with,” Len says. “I can guarantee you won’t die.”

“I don’t even know if I like men,” Jax says. “But since this team is mostly dudes-“

“Yeah, this is more dick than I’ve had in years,” Sara adds. “I think we all had a penis overload.”

“Title of our sex tape,” Len says.

Rip may just turn purple, at this rate. “Leonard.”

“I’d just like to take a moment to apologize to Raymond,” Stein says. “Because I really don’t see you like that, I mean-“

Something in Ray shifts. A more quiet slump of his shoulders. “Oh.”

“Look, you’ve upset him,” Sara says. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’m not trying to upset him!” Stein barks. “I just don’t want him thinking- We spend a lot of time together, and-“

“Yeah, but you and I also spend a lot of time together, and we didn’t fuck,” Jax says. “Gideon, please tell me that’s true.”

“You are correct,” Gideon says.

Stein and Jax let out the same sigh of relief. 

“I mean, I didn’t think I was that appalling to you,” Ray says. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be petulant,” Stein says. “You’re perfectly-“ he gestures.

“Hung?” Sara offers.

“Boyishly handsome?” Len adds.

“Gentle during sex?” Kendra says.

“You are someone I respect as a colleague,” Stein says. “And if I did find you attractive, then I didn’t want you to think it meant I thought of you less as a professional.”

“Aw,” Ray blushes. “You think I’m attractive?”

“This conversation is over,” Stein says. “Also, I am almost positive Raymond and Kendra didn’t have sex during this little incident, so-“

“Oh, shit,” Sara says. “Are you guys having secret sex?”

“You didn’t know?” Mick asks.

“I knew,” Rip says.

“You knew?” Kendra says. “Mick-“

“Your bunk is next to the kitchen,” Mick says. “I like having cereal at 3 am.”

“Mick needs his fiber,” Len says.

“You guys are having secret sex without me?” Jax says.

“Jax!” Kendra says, or demands, or reprimands. It’s a lot, is what’s happening.

“No,” Ray says, apologetic. “I mean, just the one, you were asleep and-“

“Ha!” Sara says. “Told you we weren’t the only threesome on this plane.”

Len and Mick shrug in tandem.

“Is there anyone on this plane not fucking?” Rip asks. “Professor, have you and Ray also been having-“ He winces. “Secret sex?”

“No,” Stein says, evenly. “We have not.”

“We could if you wanted to,” Ray says.

“Raymond.”

“I’d fuck you,” Mick says. “Kind of disappointed I didn’t.”

Ray brings a hand to his chest. “Oh, Mick, I-”

“This dissolved almost too quickly,” Rip says. “Quite frankly, I don’t know what I expected.”

“For us not to be fucking?” Sara says. “Five bucks says the Professor had a threesome with his past self and wife.”

Stein pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t.”

“I would have,” Len says. “With my past self and wife. To clarify.”

“At this point, that’s really not surprising,” Kendra says.

“Was that a quip, Kendra?” Len asks.

She shrugs. “Well, your boyfriend literally tried to suck the blood from my body, so-“

“Fair point.”

“I’ll try next time, Kendra,” Sara says. “Promise.”

Kendra flushes. “I-“

“There’s not going to be a next time,” Rip says. “Because we are not going to just blindly walk into one of those traps ever again. And Gideon is going to erase all the footage of the ship’s past four hours. Aren’t you, Gideon?”

“Yes, sir,” Gideon says.

“And if the lot of you want to fuck each other senseless, that’s fine,” Rip continues.

“Is it?” Sara asks. “You sound a little stressed.”

“It’s fine,” Rip says, like he will murder Sara in her sleep very, very soon. “As long as everyone is of sound mind and body.”

“Here, here,” Professor Stein says. “I’m going to go shower.”

“Yes. Excellent idea. Everyone take a shower,” Rip says.

The team stands as a group.

“I didn’t mean all at once!” 

“Well,” Len says. “You didn’t clarify.”

“I hate you all so much,” Rip says. “Next time, I hope it’s poison.”

“I don’t!” Ray says.

Rip sighs. “Thank you, Ray.”


End file.
